Grimdark Theories and Speeches: War Robots Version

In this edition of Grimdark Theories and Speeches (planning to put these parodies up from time to time), we are going to go on War Robots. In fact, we can have WR as our material for quite some time, but we’ll go to other games too from time to time!

Some of you might know this already, but it is an open secret that Pixonic’s developers love Warhammer 40k a lot. As a matter of fact, they even named one of their bots after the eponymous Inquisitor.

Grimdark Theories and Speeches
Compare this with the model at the bottom. If you don’t believe me, search “Torquemada Coteaz” on the internet and you’ll see the color schemes…

Ironically, it seems that they modeled their robot after Lord Inquisitor Torquemada Coteaz (hey, great question for the devs chat, should win someone a bot or a weapon), which is considered to be one of the most famous, feared, and respected Inquisitors in the Warhammer 40k universe. Needless to say, he is popular, unrelenting, and pure of intent, which is more than could be said about certain aspects of War Robots.

Grimdark Theories and Speeches
The man, the myth, the legend. Credits to Erasmus Brosdau.

Since we all know that they love 40k so much, let’s give them this speech – if you are a 40k fan, you’ll know the original speech for this parody!

They shall be my finest warriors, these men and women and children and pets who give of monies and golds and silvers to me. Like puppets I shall control them, and in the furnace of pay-to-win forge them. They will be of fancy names and OP clans. In great Titans and Bots shall I clad them and with the mightiest Weapons will they be armed. They will be untouched by nerfs or glitches, no defeats will blight them. They will have Tik-Taks, cheesy strategies and insider knowledge, so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against the Terror that is BALANCED MATCHMAKING and GAMEPLAY. They are the Defenders of my parent company, Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. This is War Robots. We are shameless, we are Pixonic’s finest and we shall know no fear.

Know. No. Fear.


Hoping that you enjoyed this episode of Grimdark Theories and Speeches!

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